So I’ve never really mentioned this on here, but we’ve been struggling a lot with infertility. In the past I had to go on Clomid to get pregnant with Madi and Max; but this time that just hasn’t been working. We’ve always hoped to have 3 kids, but it looks like that may not happen. I feel like the time of “trying” is kind of drawing to a close. It’s been a little over 2 years now with no luck. I know that many people try for way longer than that, but I just feel drained. I want another baby so bad, but if it’s not going to happen, I want to just move on find peace with it. In our situation (because of the endo), we either have to be “trying” or “preventing” at all times. Simply because I need to be on the pill to control the disease. So it’s not like we feel like we can just keep waiting and see what happens. I feel SO blessed to be a mom. I know that many people can’t get pregnant at all, so I’m not trying to throw a pity party or anything. It’s just hard.
I’ve known about my endometriosis since we got married. I went on Lupron for it then (horrible experience) and then was told I needed to be on birth control to manage it. Well, because of how long it takes me to get pregnant, I’ve been off of birth control a majority of the time. Which makes my endo worse. It’s kind of a catch-22. You can’t get pregnant on birth control; but having your endometriosis keep growing makes it hard too. I recently had surgery and the doctor was able to remove the lesions he saw. So we’ll see if that helps.
As for now, it’s another month on Clomid and Metformin. The Dr. Office called today and is increases my dose to 100 mg this next month. Maybe that will help?! Who knows. If we get a baby we will be BEYOND thrilled! But I kind of think it might not happen. It’s hard to imagine that this part of my life is already drawing to a close. Where does the time go? I hope this doesn’t sound too depressing or bitter. I don’t mean it to be. I feel incredibly blessed and I trust in the Lord. I have no doubt that His hand is in my life and there is “wisdom in all things.” He knows the desires of our hearts, and now we just need to accept His will. We’ll see how this next month or two goes. Maybe we’ll get lucky and we’ll get another precious little one in our home! But, if we don’t, I still consider myself the luckiest girl in the world. I get to have my sweet Madi and Max and they are healthy and happy; what more could I ask for?
If only we could order kids as cute as these two from Amazon! Now that would be a fun package to open :)
